Eavesdropping
by Just Another Crappy Writer
Summary: Cartman is good at many things. One of those things is eavesdropping. SUCKY SUMMARY, please don't be discouraged by it. Rated T, so no parents will get mad at me.


Eric Cartman is good at many things. Manipulating, scheming, plotting, bossing his mom around, and eating twice his own body weight. He is also good at eavesdropping.

Especially to a certain kosher boy's conversations_._

"Goddammit, he is so annoying!"

_Ooh, what's this?_ Cartman thought. Apparently Kyle was ranting to his super best friend about someone. Most likely Cartman himself. Even though Cartman wouldn't admit it, he wasn't the smartest person ever, but he wasn't stupid. He could tell when his Jew was talking about him.

Stan sighed. "You know, this is the third time this week you've complained about him to me. For someone you supposedly don't like, you talk about him a lot."

That made Cartman curious.

"Sorry dude, he just gets on my nerves. You know how he is. Obnoxious, selfish, rude, annoying, manipulative, evil. Just put those words together and you've got him,"Kyle said.

"You just now figured that out?"Stan rolled his eyes. Cartman glared. So far this conversation was pretty useless. All they were doing was insulting him, maybe they knew he was listening in . .

"Well, he is! And he's such an asshole. I mean, he's gone out and tricked me into doing things, called me names, and always steals my fucking food! I mean honestly, he's-"

"Kyle, I think you need to ask yourself something,"his friend said.

"What do you mean?"

"Do you . . Like him?"

Cartman was now fully intrigued.

"What?! No way! Have you gone retarded or something? Maybe you've been around Wendy's perfume too much,"Kyle denied.

"Calm down, dude. You're always complaining about him and everything, so it just kinda makes sense, you know?"Stan reasoned. Kyle hesitated.

"It makes sense, but that doesn't make it true."

"You know I'm right."

"No you're not.

"Yes, I am."

"No!"

"Yes."

"Okay fine! I do like him! Sort of . . Even though he's not my blood brother or anything, and he's a manipulative asshole, but I really do love him. I can't imagine life without him. So, yea, you can make fun of me, but it's the truth."

Cartman smirked evilly and ran off. Yes! He could use this as a blackmail! Not only was he Jewish. But he was a fag for him too!

Yes, this was perfect.

**Later**

"Cartman, what the fuck do you want?"

Cartman had went to the Broflovski residence later that day to tell him he knew his little crush.

"I know your secret, Kahl."

Kyle looked at his overweight enemy like he sprouted fairy wings.

"I don't know what you're talking about,"Kyle snarled.

"I overheard your conversation with that hippie lover, meaning that not only do I know you're gay, but you're gay for _me_,"Cartman smiled.

"What are you-" then it hit Kyle. What Cartman was talking about and everything. "Oh my God, you're retarded!"

"Not really something you should say to your crush, Kahl. Especially since I'm gonna use it as blackmail,"Cartman glared.

Kyle laughed.

"What's so funny?!"

"Dude, you think I'd actually like a fat piece of shit like you? I was talking about Ike! My _brother_! I'm not gay!"Kyle snapped.

Then it hit Cartman. Kyle wasn't talking about him at _all_. He was talking about his brotherly love for Ike. He didn't have any blackmail for Kyle after all. What a waste.

"Now, leave, fatass!"Kyle exclaimed as he shut the door.

Kyle Broflovski is good at many things. Such as school, homework, being a good super best friend to Stan, and getting in the way of Cartman's plans.

He is also good at lying.

**Author's Note: You know, now that I read it back, Stan and Kyle's conversation seems kinda . . Rushed. Does anyone feel the same as me? I would fix it, but I don't really know how to. Any tips on how I can improve in the future?**

**And did I keep everyone in character? Because I was desperately trying to keep everyone in character, and I'm not sure if I did it . .**

**Not my best story, but since I worked so hard on it, I decided to upload it anyway. Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned South Park, then the episodes wouldn't be nearly as awesome as they are now. Even so, I'd probably keep procrastinating on making new episodes.**


End file.
